Growing Pains

Growing up is hard.

I thought it would be a piece of cake.  I transitioned from High School to College, I mean how much more difficult could it be?  To make it worse, I didn't even realize it until my parents left yesterday night.  Then it hit me like a truck.

I'm alone.

Not alone in the sense that I have no friends I can call or talk to, or that I can't simply call my parents.  But for the first time, I am in a completely new state, with no close friends nearby, away from my parents, and living completely by myself.  In college I started out at the dorm, where my meals were cooked for me and everything was paid for so I didn't have to worry about expenses or anything like that.  When I moved to an apartment, my roommates were always around and I could talk to them or I was always with friends at school.  Now I'm living by myself (my roommate is still in Europe and will be coming back 7/14), paying for everything myself (someone my age should not normally be thinking about 401(K)'s or pension plans), and making REAL decisions.  Not the college decisions like, should I stay up past midnight playing super smash bros, but REAL decisions like, What kind of medical insurance should I get?  What doctor should I chose?  How should I invest my money for the future?

For some reason, the work seems a bit more overwhelming too.  As an intern, my responsibilities were limited.  I had a couple projects I was working on, had a specific deadline, and I knew I would be done after 12 weeks.  Now I'm in charge of two units in the refinery, which are at the very beginning of the line (meaning almost everything we make comes through my units), and I'm here... indefinitely.  I haven't even gotten into the nitty gritty of the job yet.

All this being sad, I've had a really difficult transition.  I felt it a little bit once I got here, but my parents were still around and a part of me still felt like I was on vacation or at home.  However, this time my parents just left without me, and I'm stuck in a foreign place, with no one I really know and close to I can talk to.

Everyone always asked me if I had friends/family in California and why I was moving there.  I figured since it was a job offer and California is such a nice place, it wouldn't be so bad.  Now I'm convinced that this has truly been a test from God, a reminder that I cannot do this on my own.  That apart from God, I can do nothing.  But with him, I can do anything.  California is a reminder to me that the only reason I am here is because God wants me to be here. It's a reminder for me to rely on God's strength and not my own.

It's a test that I'm supposed to fail, in order to "win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."