Stretched

What does it mean to be stretched?

We know what it literally means, such as stretching a rubber band.  You pull on the rubber band and the tension on it increases, causing it to lengthen, until it reaches its breaking point and then snaps.  But what does it mean to be emotionally, spiritually, or mentally stretched?

I think that the tension is still there, it causes you to "stretch" in the sense of reaching to areas you typically wouldn't go to, but instead of snapping and simply breaking, I would say it actually builds someone up or helps them to grow.  In summary, that is kind of how I feel after living in California for almost 3 months. I'm really being stretched in many ways.  I'll try to describe just a few of those ways.

1.  I'm being stretched spiritually.  After leaving college, the amount of spiritual accountability and fellowship I've had has been tremendously different.  At UM, there was always something related to AIV going on. I could pretty much count on at least 3 or 4 days out of the 7 during the week, I would be having some sort of fellowship.  That's in addition to living with other Christian guys in my house.  Here in California, there's been much less. At first it was just once a week, at church, and I barely knew anyone.  Recently it has become twice a week, as I've joined the singles career fellowship and started to attend their weekly Friday night times of fellowship.  Hopefully soon they will be starting small groups for new people in the church (sometime in October) that I'll be able to join.  Even so, it's still different than in college where after different events or gatherings, people would hang out together and have extended times of fellowship.  After church, I just go home.  After Friday night fellowship, I'm typically exhausted and just go home and sleep.  It's also been much more difficult to keep trying to stay in the word and to keep reading.  Often I'm tired from work and just want to relax, and it prevents me from really focusing on reading and studying God's word.

2.  I'm being stretched culturally.  This may sound kind of silly, but the more I think of it, the more I realize that I've never been outside a predominantly Asian/Chinese culture most of my life.  I had Chinese family friends, I went to Chinese school, I had Chinese friends in elementary, middle, and high school, I went to a Chinese church, and I went to an Asian fellowship in college.  It's quite a big transition now going onto a predominantly white church where I'm one of only a very select few Asian people in the church.  You wouldn't think it would be that big of a deal, but there is still a bit of a cultural gap between the people I meet and myself.  There are just certain differences that make it difficult to connect with people and to feel a part of the community.  No matter how "American" I seem or how I shouldn't see things as racial differences, there is still a tension that exists.

3.  I'm being stretched out of my comfort zone.  It's not particularly easy for me to make friends, and I'm pretty shy by nature.  I haven't had the easiest time trying to make friends past a surface level of just knowing who people are and knowing their names.  It's particularly difficult when it's a church/Christian context, and you would hope that other people in the fellowship/Church would invite you to things and want to hang out with you, but they don't.  It makes me really aware of the importance of really "reaching out" and not in the sense of "I talked to him/her and know his/her name" but to actually invite them to something, invite them to hang out with you, to grab a meal, or to have a deeper one-on-one conversation that's more meaningful.  So far I've had a lot of, "What's your name?"  "Where do you work again?"  "How long have you been here?"  "So how's everything going?" but I haven't really had anyone invite me or talk to me about anything more personal.

4.  I'm being stretched at work.  As you can probably imagine, work is very different from school.  The decisions you make actually have large impacts, and often they are monetary impacts.  The responsibility is much greater, because instead of simply receiving a bad grade, it actually means something that could impact the company, profits, or even someone's safety or well-being.  I definitely feel like I don't know very much, and I know I will continue to feel that way for a very long time.  I've heard it takes anywhere from 6 months to a 1 year to really feel comfortable at your job, and because it's my very first job, it's probably even more difficult.  Often times I'm confronted with situations at work where I simply have no idea what to do, or I'm asked questions that I feel like I should know the answer to, but I don't.  I have to continually ask questions and try to understand my work and how things work in the company.  In school, most of the time you can just rely on yourself and go to office hours occasionally when you need extra help.  At work, most of the time you can't do things on your own and you have to seek others for help.  This combined with my shy nature makes it an even bigger stretch.

5.  I'm being stretched emotionally.  It's been quite a big transition moving all the way from Michigan, away from my parents, away from all my friends, and away from Iris.  Emotionally, there are times when it's just really hard feeling like all your friends are far away and the people who love you the most aren't there.  Part of that is because I really haven't made any friends yet here in California, but another part is simply the truth that my family and my fiancee are about two thousand miles away.  I can call every day and try to talk to them as much as I can, but it's still different from seeing them face to face, interacting with them personally, and being with them.  That combined with all my close friends being in Michigan makes me feel extremely stretched at times, and just wish I could be back at "home."

So what does all this mean?  I think ultimately, I'm being stretched in so many different ways and in so many different directions that sometimes I feel like I'm going to snap.  But really I think what is happening is that God is shaping me and molding me in so many amazing ways that I wouldn't have been able to experience had I not moved to California.  I could have been really comfortable living in Michigan.  I could have seen my parents and Iris almost every weekend, visited my friends at UM, and just felt right at home.  Instead I'm being stretched continuously in ways I have never been stretched before, and rather than feeling sad and disappointed, I understand how I'm really growing and understanding God's love and the gospel more and more.

I'm learning how to love others more, especially those who are different from me.  I'm learning how to really push myself to grow spiritually even when it's easy to just not do anything about it.  I'm learning how to "leave one's father and mother" and rely on God's strength and provision and not theirs.  I'm learning how to grow in love for Iris even though she's far away and it takes a lot of purposeful pursuit. I'm learning how to break past cultural barriers and enter into God's kingdom regardless of ethnicity. I'm learning how to get out of my comfort zone and pursue friendships despite my timidness. I'm learning how to not rely on myself at work and trust in the gifts God has given me

I'm learning ultimately that God is bigger than everything, and in stretching me I feel a lot of stress, tension, and pain, but because of it He is helping me to grow in ways I could have never imagined.

Community

I've learned some interesting things being out in California for almost a month.  It is definitely not what I expected, even though I had a similar experience last summer when I interned at Dow Corning in Midland, MI. 

California is probably one of the most talked up places when you live in Michigan.  Most people who grow up in Michigan get "bored," and say that they want to move out, go somewhere where the weather is nice and there are more things to do.  What I find interesting about that though, is that fact that almost everything that is fun to do, especially outdoors, is virtually pointless if you don't know anyone.

I'll take golf as an example.  I've been playing golf since about 2nd grade and anyone who knows me knows that golf is a pretty big part of my life.  I played in high school, I played tournaments growing up, and it's something that is a part of my identity.  Being in California is perfect for that.  Whereas Michigan only has about 5 months of quality golf weather (May-September), in California you can pretty much golf year round.  The weather doesn't change that much and it never gets cold.  But for some reason, I haven't really had any strong desire to go and play golf since I moved.  If I were in Michigan, I'd probably be playing once or even twice a week right now.

What's the difference?  Well growing up, the only time I played golf other than in high school was with my dad.  I played with my brother a little bit, but from middle school through college, I almost exclusively played with my dad.  I enjoyed playing with friends my age, but I didn't enjoy it as much as playing with my dad.  There was something about that father-son bond, something about knowing that he always understood when I wasn't playing well and always helped me have a better attitude.  Now that I'm in California, I don't have that opportunity anymore, and I might never really have that experience of playing every week during the summer with my dad again.  It makes wanting to play golf almost seem trivial, because what's the point if I don't get to go out with my dad?

That's just one personal example, but the theory can be applied to other activities too.  Take a minute and think about yourself. What are the things you really enjoy doing?  If you had 3-4 hours of free time, what would you do?  Think about all the things you could do or places you could visit if you lived in a place like California.  Now think about if you would still do those things if you didn't have anyone to do them with.  I'm guessing almost everything you came up with, you had a close friend in mind or a group of friends that you associated with that activity.  For me, the list goes something like, watching a movie, playing basketball, going somewhere to eat, and.. oh yeah.. spending time with Iris or hanging out with friends.  I can't even list 5 things that I like to do that don't involve spending time with people I care about, and 2 of those things on the list directly involve people close to me.  Simply put, the only reason we enjoy the things we enjoy is because of the people we get to enjoy them with (that's a tongue-twister).

Currently, I'm still in the process of finding a community.  I've found people that I can talk to and have a good conversation with, but haven't really made any close "friends" yet.  I'm also still looking for a church that I can call my home.  I've been to 3 different churches so far, and all of them have their strengths and weaknesses.  I've met 2 young adult groups so far as well and have been able to spend a little bit of time with each of them.  Still, I am far from that feeling of "home" here.  It's definitely a journey and a difficult one, but I still have faith that God has a plan for me.  I've learned a lot about myself already, especially my weaknesses, and I know being in California will continue to help me to rely on and trust in God even more.

So if you remember me in your prayers, just pray that I'll make some friends.